Do kids need to hear “no” more often? That’s the question Amil Niazi explores in her recent piece for The Cut, “Kids Need to Hear ‘No’ More.” The viral article touches a nerve among millennial parents, especially those navigating the ever-blurry boundaries of gentle parenting. It opened the floodgates for exhausted parents, overwhelmed teachers, and anyone wondering where the boundaries went. It asks whether, in our quest to raise emotionally aware kids, we might be skipping the part where they actually hear and learn to respect limits.
I felt that gut punch too.
When gentle parenting meets real-life chaos
As a millennial mom of five kids from toddler to teens, I’d describe myself as a mostly gentle parent. I deeply believe in treating my kids with empathy and respect, in helping them understand their emotions and make good choices rather than just blindly obey rules. That said… not all my kids respond the same way to that approach. And one of them—my brilliant, curious, high-energy five-year-old—has forced me to rethink how I use language.
It’s not that he can’t understand my explanations. He absolutely can. It’s that he often won’t stop moving (physically or mentally) long enough to hear them.
This is the child who asks “why?” before I’ve finished answering the first “why.” He’s a mental ping-pong machine—brilliant, wild, and always three steps ahead. And sometimes, when safety or respect for others is on the line, I don’t have time to give a TED Talk about consequences. I just need to say “no.”
And yes, that “no” can still be loving.
Related: Have we gotten too gentle in gentle parenting?
Why clarity is kindness
Like Niazi writes, “When my toddler would bolt out into the road… I didn’t have time to calmly instruct her on why we don’t cross the street when a car is driving through it.” Been there. And in those moments, a firm “no” isn’t just effective—it’s protective. In fact, according to child development experts, consistent, age-appropriate boundaries can help kids feel more secure and confident as they navigate their environment.
I’ve realized that clarity is kindness. Gentle parenting doesn’t mean never saying no. It means we pair our boundaries with connection. Sometimes I explain after the moment has passed, when we’re both calm. Other times, I pivot into what I call my “Yes, but…” mode—yes, you can splash, but the water has to stay in the tub. Yes, you can climb, but not on the kitchen counter. Redirection works beautifully when I have the bandwidth. But when I don’t? I lean on “no,” with love.
Boundaries don’t cancel empathy
That’s what Niazi’s piece ultimately highlights: the discomfort so many millennial parents feel around discipline. We’re afraid of being a generation of “because I said so” parents. We want to raise emotionally aware kids who are also respectful, responsible, and community-minded, even if we’re still learning emotional awareness ourselves. It’s a lot—and we’re doing it all without the structural support parents actually need.
I still consider myself a gentle parent. But I’ve learned that sometimes, the most gentle thing I can do is stop explaining and start guiding—with clarity, consistency, and the occasional firm “no.”
What about you—how has your parenting relationship with the word “no” evolved? Let’s keep the conversation going.
Related: The problem with ‘gentle parenting?’ It’s not always gentle on mothers