As a mom of five, I get it—probably more than most. I love my kids fiercely, but the demands of parenting can be overwhelming. It’s a 24/7 job with no breaks, especially in a world that doesn’t exactly make life easier for moms. The truth is, being a parent is tough, and it’s okay to admit that.
The viral conversations around being child-free by choice resonate with me now more than ever, not because I regret having kids, but because I understand why some people make a different choice. Whether someone chooses to have kids or not, we all deserve to build a life that fits us. And honestly, moms like me want to raise our kids in a world that shows up for families—where communities, companies, and governments truly care and support us.
TikTok goes viral: A mother’s message to child-free women
That’s why a viral TikTok from Allison DuBois, a therapist and mom of two, hit me hard. In the video, which has racked up more than 483,000 views, DuBois reflects on how becoming a parent changed her perspective. She shares her journey from aspiring mother to someone who now totally gets the choice to remain child-free. Her words, “I get it now,” are refreshingly honest—and they underscore just how valid and thoughtful that decision can be.
For DuBois, parenting brought a deeper understanding of what’s involved—and with that, a newfound respect for those who recognize early on that it’s not for them. It’s the kind of message we need more of right now: less judgment, more empathy.
The idealized fantasy of motherhood vs. reality
Here’s the thing: Before I had kids, I thought I knew what motherhood would be like. I imagined all the cuddles and milestones and adorable family moments. But what people don’t tell you is how isolating it can be, how relentless the demands are, and how much it can take out of you. DuBois’s video touches on this exact point—parenting is nothing like the romanticized version you see on social media or in movies.
It’s also not something you can do halfway. Motherhood demands your full heart, mind, and time. If you’re not ready to give it everything, it can be exhausting in ways that are hard to describe. And I totally understand why some people, knowing themselves well, decide that it’s not a commitment they want to make.
The realities of parenting in 2024
For a lot of people, deciding to be child-free isn’t about rejecting the idea of kids—it’s about being honest about what brings them joy and balance. Today’s world makes that choice more complicated than ever. Everything costs more, and the mental load of managing family life can be overwhelming. People are rethinking what happiness looks like, and for some, it doesn’t involve kids—and that’s okay.
I love my kids, but I won’t lie—being a parent is all-in, all the time. There’s no clocking out. It’s heartwarming, messy, chaotic, and exhausting. And it’s refreshing to see more parents and non-parents speaking openly about how hard it can be. These conversations matter, especially for those of us navigating both the joys and the burnout that come with raising kids.
Confronting judgment and embracing self-awareness
What really stood out in DuBois’s video is her honesty about how she used to judge child-free women. I think a lot of us can relate—society drills this idea into us that motherhood is the ultimate path to fulfillment. But the truth is, that’s not everyone’s journey, and that’s more than okay.
We need to retire the outdated notion that choosing not to have kids is “selfish.” In fact, it takes real self-awareness to know what you want (and don’t want) in life. The cultural conversation is shifting—more people are recognizing that you don’t need to be a parent to have a meaningful life. Fulfillment looks different for everyone, and that diversity of experiences makes life richer for all of us.
Building a future that supports all choices
What I really hope comes out of these conversations is a culture that supports women—whether they choose to have kids or not. It shouldn’t matter if someone becomes a parent or decides to live a child-free life. Both choices are valid, and we should be building a world where women feel empowered either way.
As a mom, I dream of raising my kids in a world where we don’t have to do it all on our own—where communities rally around families, companies actually care about work-life balance, and governments create family-friendly policies that make parenting sustainable. But I also want us to embrace the idea that not everyone has to walk the same path. A world that supports all women, no matter their choices, is a world where we all thrive.
So whether you’re raising little humans or crafting a life that’s all your own, your journey matters. Let’s keep these conversations going—because every choice deserves respect, and every woman deserves a life that feels truly hers.
